My disclosure: Some of you are going to be weirded out by this post. Not only that, some of you are going to think I’m crazy—which I may very well be. There’s a slight chance you might agree with what I’m about to say, but it’s unlikely. I encourage you to share your thoughts either way.
I’m going to throw this out there: I don’t get offended when a boy I’m dating comments on the level of attractiveness or sex appeal of some other girl. I don’t throw a girly fit, snap at him or threaten to break up with him. In fact, I do the very opposite: I’m willing to engage in thoughtful discussion with him about it. I mean I guess maybe thoughtful isn’t the appropriate word—is a conversation about judging someone’s appearance really that detailed, serious and important?
You might wonder if I get jealous when my boyfriend tells me he finds another girl attractive. The answer is no. I don’t get jealous whether he sees her on the street and makes that comment. Nor do I care when I show him a picture of a girl that I personally think is cute or pretty or sexy or hot and he responds with an affirmative opinion.
Likewise, I don’t find some secret pleasure if and when a guy that I’m with points out an unattractive girl on the street. Actually that evokes the very opposite reaction for me—why would I want to be dating someone who is evil enough to comment on the heinous nose of a girl he doesn’t know or on some stranger’s botched haircut!? Sure, like any girl, I can admit that I do experience a little pleasure when anyone close to me has an opinion aligned with mine, especially if it’s about a particularly unkind girl and her dreadful appearance.
I know that some people will argue that I’m objectifying women here. There are always a few people in every audience who claim that the person speaking is objectifying women or men or animals or SOMEONE. To clarify, I believe in starting a thoughtful (again, not MEAN but rather constructive) dialogue about a person’s aesthetics.
In my sick and twisted mind, I justify this viewpoint as being the same as looking at a piece of art. Just like a Monet or a Picasso, a woman can be beautiful, exotic, unappealing or simply hideous—with many other things in between. If I were in an art museum with a boyfriend, I’d value and seriously consider his opinions about the pieces hanging on the walls. Why, I wonder, should this differ from any human face or body, essentially works of art in and of themselves? Why shouldn’t I be interested in my partner’s opinion on that as well?
The truth is, if you’re comfortable in your relationship, you shouldn’t take issue with the fact that your significant other finds someone attractive. If you’re worried that because they find them attractive it means they want to run out to a Motel 6, rent a room for an hour and screw them, then yes, by all means, you do have a problem. But if you believe that, maybe you shouldn’t be in that relationship at all.
Face it, people: even when we aren’t single, good looking and ugly people alike still exist. Just because we find someone attractive doesn’t mean we’re attracted to him or her. And, even if we were, it doesn’t mean we want to bang them for hours on end.
So get over it. If your man tells you on occasion that some other girl is good looking, take the comment for what it is and move on. (Granted, it’s a different situation if he’s constantly commenting on other women or if he fails to ever compliment you.) If you really find his comments worrisome, don’t bother shrieking, hissing or withholding sex for weeks on end. Then it’s just time to evaluate the level of trust in your relationship and really consider if this is someone you want to be with.
