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Wednesday, March 3, 2010

How Sarah Jessica Parker Ruined Our Lives

For those of you who don't know, R and I live in different cities and went to different colleges. We met when we were summer interns at a major news publication, and bonded while browsing through personal finance books at Barnes and Noble for an assignment. We became fast friends.

Midway through the summer, a friend of mine who was an intern at an event planning company managed to get me an invite to the launch party of an organic skincare line. When she told her boss I'd write something for the Style editor at my internship, she put me on the VIP list. I brought R as my plus one.

When we found out that the guest list included a few fashion magazine editors and Sarah Jessica Parker, we went into heavy planning mode. We spent weeks deciding on perfect outfits, what we would say when we met SJP, etc. When dress shopping, I kept thinking, "WWSJPW?" That's "What Would Sarah Jessica Parker Wear?" When the day finally came, we were both a bit on the nervous side.

The afternoon was off to a good start. A woman came up to me and said “Where’d you get that great dress that hides your bra straps?!” I thought to myself “Oh my God, are my bra straps sticking out?!” But it turns out they weren’t, and she actually liked the dress. Success. A bit later, another woman asked me who my dress was “by,” and I hesitated a moment, wondering if I should lie. “Oh, thank you, I just got it at H&M actually.” The truth. She was shocked—another good sign.

The theme of the event was "Sexy Green," so naturally, the "signature drink" was something green and fruity that didn't taste remotely alcoholic. I never know what to do with my arms or hands when I’m uncomfortable, so consistently having a drink in one hand helps. Except these drinks were literally gulpable, I was thirsty, it was hot outside—I could think of a variety of other excuses. I think R and I were both feeling a bit tipsy as time went on, but we stayed composed.

The end of the event approached, and SJP had not made an appearance. We were pissed. We had another cocktail, said our goodbyes, got our swag bags and left.

We were drunk and desperate for Pinkberry. We stopped at the one by R’s apartment to get our fix. As it always was in the middle of the summer, the line was long. It was clear we’d be there for awhile, so we began to debrief.

“Sarah Jessica Parker and I are SO over,” I said. I realize now how silly we must have looked— two drunk girls in fancy dresses standing in line at Pinkberry talking shit about SJP.

The man in line in front of us seemed to be pretty amused. He turned around and smiled, and I continued. “I even hate her character on Sex and the City. I’m done with her, she is an inconsiderate bitch!” At this the man turned around again and started laughing. We smiled back at him… he was really, really cute. When he turned to face the front again, R and I giggled quietly to each other.

We got to the front of the line and placed our orders, then moved to the end of the counter to wait for them while we talked more about our newfound hatred for SJP. R picked up where I had left off. “How do you just say you’re going to an event and then not go? That’s just rude. She’s Sarah Jessica Parker. If she says she’ll be there, people make special arrangements for her. Like if you’re not going, don’t say you are.”

The man turned to us again. “You two are funny," he said. We smiled at him while I desperately tried to come up with something clever to say. While the wheels spun in my head, the guy behind the counter called a name. It was his. He had two of them… Wow, he must be hun—

Right then, a woman came up behind him, put her arm around his waist, and took one of the containers from his hands. His girlfriend. Damn. I smiled at him one last time and turned to R with a frown.

All in all, it was a disappointing evening. No Sarah Jessica Parker, the love of our lives had a girlfriend—was there any hope for humanity?

But thinking back, I’m reminded of something Lo said to Lauren Conrad once on The Hills (yes, I am aware of the dangers of seeking wisdom in MTV reality television). I like to think of this whenever I know I’m feeling down.

“Eat your Pinkberry and enjoy life.”

Love,
S

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