The Screening Process

"Before I even kiss a boy, I ask him for his health history," a college acquaintance once explained to me.

And that's why you've never been so fortunate as to kiss a boy, I thought to myself, aware of the semi-evil judgement I had made.

It's unreasonable to expect any person of romantic interest (who you're about to kiss) to tell you when the last time he had the flu was, never mind let you know if he ever had pinkeye or strep throat as a child. While it might be acceptable to verify that you're both clean and STD-free before engaging in any intimate acts, it's really not possible (or even acceptable) to try to find out everything about that person before you cause sparks to fly under your bedsheets.

You can, however, screen people to some extent before you go on a first date. In fact, I highly recommend that you more or less follow a simple protocol before even agreeing to spend an hour having coffee. That's not to say that you should analyze their every word, try to find out too much or ruin any potential of mystery and excitement. But before you go and waste that precious hour of your time, there are some precautions you can take to make it more likely that you'll enjoy the person you're out with.

Now, keep in mind that I'm not currently dating or even as much as perusing online dating or matchmaking websites. Fortunately for me, a girl who still finds herself fascinated with this kind of thing, I have plenty of friends hopping from date to date, from restaurant to restaurant with different "suiters," if you will. By no means am I an expert, but back when I was dating online, I did learn a lot about what works and what doesn't in terms of finding a good date. It's all about trial and error. Fortunately, I've made the errors for you and was able to come up with this list of what you should and shouldn't do before meeting someone.

Here's what I learned about the pre-date lead-up:

1. Read your potential date's profile, and read it well. Thoroughly. All of it. Don't skip lines. If you do, you might just happen to miss that one deal breaker right away (like he doesn't want kids or he hates sushi) and have to spend two hours showering, washing your hair, drying it, straightening it, picking out clothes and putting on makeup, only to arrive at your local Starbucks and hear what he had clearly written out for you earlier. Take the time to read what he said, hope he's being honest and, if you still like him, continue on with the process.

2. How does he approach you for the first time? If it's an instant message, does he write you something sleazy like "HEY SEXY, I HOPE I CAN BE YOUR PRINCE" right off the bat? Or, does he take the time to write you something personalized and meaningful? Perhaps he asks you questions about YOU, or maybe he comments on something specific that he read in your profile. Either way, you can tell a lot about his approach to dating from your very first online conversation, whether via email or instant message or whatever it is. Anything too generic, at all offensive or too much about him equals bad news bears.

3. Make sure you've exchanged more than one email back and forth before accepting a date invitation. If it's only been one or two and a guy asks you out, how does he really know he wants to spend any time with you? Is he shallow and basing his assessment off of your looks? (God help him and let's hope that your photo is the real you!) Or is he just that eager to get a date with anyone he can so he immediately asks out whatever girl will talk to him? Perhaps he's just looking to get someone to go out with him so he can lull her in for an easy hookup after buying her a nice dinner. Who knows. But really, get a better sense of who he is via email before you jump into anything. Oh, and seeing how he writes doesn't hurt either. Not to say that you should judge someone on their spelling and grammar. I understand that not everyone in this world is fortunate enough to be well educated or even skilled in these areas. But, really, if you can't deal with it now, do you really actually think you'll grow to be able to deal with it in six months?

4. Always always ALWAYS talk on the phone with the person who you might be going out with before you agree to actually do so. I'm not talking about talking on the phone to firm up your plans; rather, I mean get a feel for them as a person, for their voice, for their way of speaking (and the way that they speak TO you) before you come up with any ideas for a date. We've all been there: we go to meet up with someone we thinks will be great, only to encounter them and learn that they have an exceptionally abrasive or just annoying voice that we just can't live with.

It's important to understand that this is not, by any means, a sure-fire plan to go on a successful date. There's so much more to find out when you actually meet the person-- a feeling that you'll get that can't be described in words. But, if you're careful and at least make some sort of attempt to weed out the countless men interested in you (YES, there are a lot. You just might not realize it.) then you'll find yourself out with a deadbeat who can't hold a conversation or speak his own language properly. Try to get the best sense of him that you can before meeting him in person.

And, as always, have a backup plan before the date. I hear your bestie tends to need you every time her dog comes down with a stomach issue...