One of my favorite Sex and the City quotes has always been the following, said by Carrie's on-again-off-again lover, Mr. Big: "After a while, you just want to be with the one who makes you laugh." There's definitely substance to this assertion; after all, isn't it most important to end up with someone who makes you happy?
But, let's face it, not every day in a relationship or marriage is going to be full of laughter. Now I'm by no means an expert on relationships and I certainly know nothing about marriage, but I do know this: a day in either situation might can pass without as much as a chuckle or even a smile. Maybe even two, three or, hell, a couple of weeks. It happens.
Does that mean that Mr. Big's comment loses validity in the grand scheme of things? Not at all.
Let me backtrack a little. Last Friday, my girlfriends and I were some of the first in line to see the newest Sex and the City movie. We were so pumped we even ate dinner while sitting on the floor in line outside of the theater.
We finally got in, the movie started, I got up to go to the bathroom no fewer than eight times, my friends excused themselves for the same reason and to buy candy and to walk around and do anything else possible to avoid any extra seconds of sitting. None of us were glued to our seats and this certainly wasn't the dramatic saga we had all waited for months to see.
Honestly, the movie was horrendous. All that hype for nothing. Sarah Jessica Parker had officially ruined my life again (see http://bitchesinstitches.blogspot.com/2010/03/how-sarah-jessica-parker-ruined-our.html). Well maybe not ruined my life, but ruined a whole two and a half hours of it.
One idea, and one idea only, really hit home with that film. There's a scene where Carrie, played by Sarah Jessica Parker, decides to leave her husband for a couple days to return to her bachlorette-pad to complete a writing assignment. Those two days seemed to have done emotional wonders for both Carrie and her partner, Mr. Big. They decide that this wouldn't be just a one time deal and that it'd be a weekly occurrence. Time to breathe, get work done, spend time with friends apart from a spouse, maybe pluck eyebrows or even catalog a shoe collection-- the possibilities are endless.
"You can't just take a break from marriage!" an overheated girlfriend exclaimed.
Sure, this fictitious duo was criticized by their equally ficticious friends. But, I like to think that these characters mirror real people and true life feelings.
But what if a person could take a break from either a relationship or a marriage? I'm not talking about a break-up break, the kind that's like a trial separation period for both parties to go out, experience other pleasures and ultimately decide whether or not they want to get back together. I mean the very kind of break that Carrie and Mr. Big took on screen: just a couple of days a week (or per month, year or whatever the pair decides) to do things alone and independently.
Many girls have boyfriends who maintain friendships with at least some high school friends who still haven't figured out that they're no longer in high school. If a girl doesn't want to participate in beer pong tournaments followed by public urination and the penis game, maybe she shouldn't have to.
At the same time, a girl could use certainly use her alone time wisely, whether it's used for work or pleasure. I know that I certainly don't want any man with me when I'm out shoe shopping and I'm sure as hell that a man wouldn't be caught dead trailing me on those adventures.
So, for as awful as that movie was, I think that it did illustrate a really great idea: we all need alone time. We can all benefit from taking a step back from even those we love the most. And, believe me, there are definite benefits to that when you eventually reunite. But I'll leave that notion for you to figure out on your own.
XOXO,
R.
