You Searched for WHAT and Ended Up on MY BLOG?!

I’m not at all internet savvy, but one thing I do know is how to use the website that tracks who views this very blog. Don’t get freaked out—I can’t tell who you are. Identifying readers would require me tracking down your IP address and, let’s be honest, I have no idea how I would even start to do that besides just asking my brother to complete the process after giving him the number. (Is an IP address even a number? A code?) My capabilities boil down to this: I can tell how many people viewed my page, the time and date of their visit, what city they were in when they visited (or where their server is) and if they’re on a Mac of a PC. (I’d hope though that most of my readers are smart enough to be using a Mac.)

Anyway, there’s one other thing I can tell: how people got to my page in the first place. All I have to do is click on a link I find on my tracking site called “referrals.” Clicking this link brings me to a list of web pages that my last 50 or so visitors clicked on, via which they arrived at Bitches in Stitches.

To clarify let me give you an example. (NO, I don’t think you’re all idiots. I just know I can’t properly explain anything technological.) Say you see that I posted a link to my post on Facebook, as you might very well have a minute ago. You click my link and, TA-DAH, Facebook pops up as the page that referred you to my blog. Here’s where it gets interesting: when people find the page through a Google search, I’m also privy to their search terms that led them here. In honor of a dreadfully painful and slow Wednesday, I’m going to share with you some of my favorites. Boy, are they good.

In no particular order:

1. “Guy stop texting after 1^st date and why.”

Just a thought: Maybe he didn’t like you. Perhaps if you had to Google that you’re also otherwise so socially unaware that you don’t know how to dress for or behave on a date?

2. “Boy end girl sexy”

What does this even mean? Maybe you meant to write an “a” in front of “nd” instead of writing “end” but you sure as hell could have fooled me. Somehow, Google managed to guide you to the post I wrote about a boyfriend thinking another girl is attractive.

3. “Texting have a good trip”

Acid trip? Vacation to the moon? Relax. Maybe he literally just meant that he hopes you have a good trip. Or she hopes that. I have no way of even knowing who wrote that search query. But really, sometimes people genuinely mean what they say.

4. “Seeing someone and being in a relationship”

This search makes sense: most of us really don’t know what the difference is between “seeing someone” and “being in a relationship,” besides the fact that being in a relationship sounds more official and is more likely to piss-off an ex. (I’m not advocating that, just stating the truth!) Besides, I wrote a blog post with almost that exact title, so that makes sense that someone would wind up on my page.

5. “I need to find a goddamn boyfriend”

All I can say is that you better get off Google and either into the real world or onto an online dating site. Searching for Mr. Perfect on an online search engine doesn’t really do the trick. Sorry, but someone had to break the news.

6. “How to make a boy not be able to stop thinking about me”

Do you mean positive or negative thoughts? If it’s the negative that you’re referring to, I could certainly offer some suggestions. You could start off being a girl who trusts Google algorithms for dating advice.

7. “Bitches on dating sites”

I’m not sure if a person here was looking for true bitches (i.e. mean girls) on dating sites or for a girl who could be their “bitch.” But, regardless, really? I mean, really?! Either way, the searcher here isn’t up to any good.

8. “Craigslist whores”

Correct me if I’m wrong, but this search makes it seem like the person is the next Peter Markoff. Or they’re really just that desperate for a cheap lay. Again, another situation where the search really just couldn’t lead you to anything good. Well, besides my blog, of course!

That’s all for today. Here’s to hoping that I made you smile, even the teeniest bit, and brightened up your Wednesday!

Why You Shouldn't Prostitute Yourself-- On Craigslist

Usually when the media is obsessing over some scandal or crime I like to run the other way. After all, how many times can I read and re-read articles about the shootings in the liquor warehouse in Hartford, CT? Tragic, horrific, awful, sad, disgusting? Yes, yes, yes, yes and YES. The Dow and S&P down for the fifth day in a row-- slightly disturbing? Sure. But does it really help us to keep hearing about this over and over again? Obviously not.

On rare occasion, though, one of these sensational stories catches my attention-- or the attention of countless people, really-- and we can’t get enough. We crave more juicy details, become excited at the prospect of hearing yet another personal account of the story.

Take the Chandra Levy case of a handful of years back-- truly sick and twisted but, at the same time, exceptionally captivating and thrilling. Or, one of my favorite pieces of news coverage of all time: the mass-murder of The Heaven’s Gate cult out in California. This one was beyond upsetting and horrible, yet its succession of exceptionally bizarre and demented events kept us all on our toes seeking as much information as we could get. Same went for the Jaycee Duggard kidnapping case, Natalee Hollaway’s murder and Laci Peterson’s abduction. All sick and saddening, yet all enthralling.

Now another sadistic killer has struck and-- BIG SURPRISE-- the media has jumped on the story faster than yo momma pounced your best friend. DUM DUM DUM... THE CRAIGSLIST KILLER.



This sicko crafted an interesting story for us. He really did. Venturing into supposed uncharted territory, he arranged to meet Craiglists prostitutes in Boston hotels and allegedly killed them during their hotel meetings. Funny how this works, but he ultimately found himself in jail, and I’m sure that the accommodations differ slightly than those at the Westin Copley in Boston where he started off this little adventure.

Well over a year after this entire ordeal, guards found him dead with a plastic bag over his head and a major artery sliced open in his jail cell. (Ahh, the benefits of a med school education...) The day he died happened to be the day that would have been his one-year wedding anniversary, had his fiance not broken off the engagement. Sad. So sad I forgot to cry.

The media has certainly hyped up this story-- so much so, in fact, that if you search Google News for his name, Philip Markoff, you get 367 results. Nothing like a nobody becoming a somebody overnight. Or during the day. I think he met some of his victims for sex and killing during the day.

So why, I must wonder, is a story this absolutely morbid, one that we all choose to focus on? Why is it one that the media really can get so much attention from? I’m not sure about you, but I personally don’t sit and think about serial killers all day, and I certainly don’t contemplate the ways that other people kill themselves. But that’s just me.

I think that, underneath it all, with a story like this we all realize deep down that we can learn something. On the most obvious of levels, we can realize that we shouldn’t meet strangers for sex in private hotel rooms. But I think (or hope) that most of us know that already.

I also think that we can learn that we should trust our instincts. Initially we heard accounts of his fiance saying she didn’t think he’d “hurt a fly,” but now all these other testimonies are coming out from other people who knew him personally. Like the girl who was his friend from college who said he once walked her home at night (like any of her guy friends would) and he pushed her up against the wall and kissed her so hard she couldn’t escape. Ding ding ding-- warning sign of a bigger problem! But, please let me make it clear that in no way would I expect this innocent girl to have predicted his future behaviors. But really, were his actions on that night acceptable? And who’s to say he wouldn’t take that behavior further? Because, well, he did. It might not have been with this college friend, but it was with other women like her, just years later. (Well, maybe not exactly like her because I don’t think she was a prostitute, but still, other girls!)

Most importantly, I think we have to be aware of our surroundings. Like I’ve explained over and over again in the past, it takes a long time for someone’s true colors to shine through. Now, I’m not hinting that the guy who oh-so-badly wants to kiss you is a serial killer. Most likely he just likes you a lot and wants a smooch! I’m also not suggesting that you take time to evaluate if your boyfriend is a murderer. Most likely he’s not. I promise.

If a situation ever feels too intense (in the dating world or otherwise) it’s not only OK but also a good idea to stop, take a step back and evaluate the situation. As much as the Craigslist Killer story has taken up my attention when I’m bored and have nothing to read about, I’d much rather be twiddling my thumbs than to be reading about a naive girl and how her foolish mistakes led her to danger-- or worse.




For more on the Craigslist Killer, visit http://www.boston.com/news/local/breaking_news/2010/08/accused_craigsl_2.html