Move Out and Get a Job. Really. It's Time.

I'm not sure really why this seems particularly relevant today, but it's something that I've felt like writing about for a while. Be aware: you very well might be offended by this post. But, that said, if you are, it might be time to wake up and smell the coffee. This is reality, baby. And it aint necessarily pleasant.

It's often been said that my generation, the kids who grew up in the late eighties and nineties, are used to having everything given to them. I'm talking the kids who woke up to watch Care Bears and Inspector Gadget and played with Teddy Ruxpin and baked Creepy Crawlers. You know who you are. Not only that, but you know that a lot of you (NOT all, by any means, but a LOT, myself included) were given most things without having to work too hard for them. For example, we were always told we were winners, that we were superstars in most of our endeavors. And we were used to having things our way. It's known that people of my generation, more than those of any other, are considered whiners and people who complain when things don't go exactly their way. Experts attribute this attitude to the encouragement we received from adults, like all the trophies we all got playing sports, even when we scored in the wrong goal or had hissy-fits on the field.

In May, The New York Times published an article called "The Why-Worry Generation" by Judith Warner. (I hope it's clear that I'm just referring back to this and not that many months behind in my reading!) Honestly, I wish I could say the author's wrong in the way she portrayed us. She isn't. Overall, we are "entitled whiners who have been spoiled by parents who overtsoked [our] self-esteem, teachers who granted undeserved A's and sports coaches who bestowed trophies on any player who showed up." On the whole, we don't accept jobs that we don't consider "perfect" or "ideal," with the hours we want and the exact pay we have always expected. We tend to think our resumes are perfect, our credentials better than average and our performance stellar-- even when it's not.

Warner notes that perhaps people of my generation wait around for seemingly perfect opportunities because of their optimism, a trait usually considered positive. In this case, though, I'd argue that optimism to that degree is negative, too idealistic and, quite honestly, unrealistic. What happens when a person is so sure they'll get a great job that they're willing to wait around, not earning a living, for months (or, god forbid, years) on end?

Maybe some people call it optimism, but I call it "a cover-up for disgusting behavior." I think back to people of our parents', grandparents' and great-grandparents' generations. Did they sit home, living off of their parents' income, waiting for a job that they considered just right? Or did they take whatever job they could get, happy to be earning a living, grateful for their income which allowed for their independence?

All in all, I have to say that I'm horrified by many kids my age. There are exceptions to any rule, and I certainly understand that there are times when it's OK to be living with your parents or not earning money; daunting amounts of debt from education, illness, a tragic life crisis are all examples. But, what about the kids who are just plain lazy? The ones who turn down jobs because they're not exactly what they want? The ones who don't even bother to search for jobs in the first place because they'd rather live off of their parents until that dream position lands in their lap-- magically?

Now I'm not saying I make a lot of money (because I don't) or that I'm never the one complaining about having to go to work (because I am. Often.) But I was fortunate enough to be GIVEN an education, something I'm eternally grateful for. I'm capable of getting up to go to work every day, and so I do it-- six days per week. As a result, I'm able to pay my own rent each month, all of my bills and for all other things, both necessities and luxuries. (Sometimes, that weekly manicure or decadent sushi dinners are necessary... I think.) And you know what? It sure feels good to be independent. (I mean, don't we all want our parents to have zero hold on us? Or do we want them controlling our every move?)

So, to the people my age who don't work, don't pay their own rent or their own bills, I know it's not my business. It's not. Really. But it still annoys me and, on top of that, makes our entire generation look bad-- especially those of us who really do take care of themselves. We're not entitled to special treatment, no matter how much money our families earned and accumulated in generations past. It's not our god-given right to live off of unemployment and, really, shouldn't even be allowed unless we absolutely cannot find work. Beyond that, even if our parents are willing to give, give, give, it's NOT their responsibility. Let them enjoy their money, without having to support us. Did you ever think that maybe they have better things to use their income on than your dinners out and your expensive haircuts?

Think about it for a minute. Or an hour. Stop being lazy, Millennials. Try to do something for yourself, and then maybe even our society. Don't make hardworking people like your family members or me provide (directly or indirectly) for you. Be brave and learn how to write a rent check, pay the cable bill and grocery shop. It'll be worth it in the end. Trust me.

Summing up my post: WHY I DON'T WANT TO RELY ON A MAN TO SUPPORT ME.

Kick-Ass Quote of the Month...

Comes from a woman who listened to the KQED interview Michelle Cove did this month about Seeking Happily Ever After, her new documentary about women getting married later in life. Her comment:

"Being single in your 30's or older simply means you have to WORK to CREATE your life. True, it's probably not for the weak, lazy or uninspired. I've always chosen to create my life than to fall into a cookie cutter plan society has mapped out for me. The result? Passion, purpose, growth and a lifestyle most people I know say they envy. I consider myself blessed to walk the 'road less traveled.'"

Rude and at Work

Most of us at some point or another either go to work or have gone to work or, if we’re lucky enough to still be living the high life in college (literally or figuratively) we will in the future. Well, of course, if America gets its act together and makes jobs for all of us. Point is, jobs and careers are generally a reality. We all need to pay the bills somehow or another; whether it’s by marrying the ugliest wealthy slime-ball around or because we mooch off of mom and dad while living in their basement when we’re forty years old, we all rely on money to make life livable.

Most of us prefer though to just go to work, earn our own money and count on ourselves. Obviously that statement doesn’t include everyone, but I’m 99% positive that a majority of people in this country go to work because they have to. Sure, some of us like what we do. I’m not going to tell you that I dislike my job (because I don’t) or that I hate all of my daily tasks (again, because I don’t). But, given the choice to sit here in my cubicle or go out and take a walk along the river on this gorgeous day, I’d have to admit that I’d rather take the walk. Work isn’t for fun. Rather, it’s a means of filling my days. It keeps my mind active and allows me to pay rent. My earned paycheck even pays my cable bill-- one that manages to be exceptionally expensive even though I don’t even watch porn-- and for both necessary and unneeded clothing, a costly gym membership and even charitable gifts.

Likewise, most of my colleagues are in this position. They’re not crunching numbers, writing grants and scheduling meetings for their own pleasure. They do it so they don’t have to live with their parents, so they can support their own kids. My coworkers work so they can pay for their own movie tickets and cruises, for manicures and for that pair of jeans they just need to have. Oh and they also need to pay for their necessities, like food and rent. Minor detail though.

Yes, work is enjoyable when we get to eat gourmet meals charged to the company. It's also nice when we get perks like gym memberships and free personal training sessions. Whatever the reason we work though, we all know that we’re here on a daily basis more out of necessity than for pleasure.

Since we’re all in the same boat (or, on the same floor is perhaps more like it), don’t you think we’d respect each other? Since I really am not having fun submitting that grant application to the National Institute of Health, and because I can guess that the lady across the hall isn’t either, don’t you think we’d both suck it up and get the job done with smiles on our faces? Wouldn’t you think that she’d spare me from making the task more difficult than it already is by speaking to me kindly, rather than making it worse?

By talking with colleagues, friends and family members, I’ve learned that there’s this covert office culture in many places where being rude is acceptable and sometimes not even discussed. Do you not like what someone had to say in that email they sent you? No problem. Just shoot them one right back using all capital letters, just in case your angry words alone didn’t get the message across. Don’t want to be cordial with that girl who sits across from you? Again, no problem. Sneak into your coworker’s office when you want to talk and make it known that you’re closing the door to gossip. Definitely do it when the girl you dislike is the only one in the office though-- just so she knows that you’re purposely trying to exclude her. Oh and you say you don’t like how someone ran a meeting? Once again, not a problem. Just make it known to everyone but the leader directly that you think you’re boss and that they’re just a little person whose voice doesn’t deserve to be heard.

I constantly find myself shocked at not only how I’m occasionally treated by those around me, but also by how my friends in different jobs are spoken to and acted toward daily. I’m fortunate enough to work in a place where most of us like each other, where when our monthly pizza party rolls around we’re all excited to sit on the floor and get comfy talking and eating. But, a snarky email or rude voicemail unfortunately makes me forget all of the good things sometimes. As my boss recently explained it, one person with a bad attitude is like a dominant trait. That dominant trait overrides all others, so as to say that one negative person overrides the nice personalities of everyone else. (We work in a genetics lab.) When one person whips out the negativity, it catches on like wildfire and puts everyone in a bad mood. And, believe me, in an environment where you spend over forty hours per week, the last thing anyone would want would be more frowns and nasty emails and less laughter.

Before you touch-type some scathing email, please think about how your words might effect the recipient. I know it sounds like a kindergarten lesson, but it’s true. There's rarely a need to bring out the nastiness at work. How about we just act kindly toward each other until 5:00pm, just to make it easier on everyone? If you want to go ahead and release any negativity by beating up the treadmill or taking a boxing class, be my guest. But please leave both my inbox and feelings alone. I’m just trying to get through the day and earn a couple bucks, just like you. Yes, just like YOU.

I'm not a secretary...

Last week, I had the most sexist and insulting experience I’ve ever had in a professional environment. Those of you who don’t know me don’t necessarily know that I’m 22 and graduated from college last May. I graduated with a degree that could take me one of two routes: journalism or PR. My current job is more PR-related; I handle the communications for a company. I realized pretty quickly that PR was the wrong path.

Being 22 and the newest member of the company, there is a certain amount of administrative work that I do. Someone has to do it, and that someone is the newest person. Plus, one of my biggest administrative responsibilities is staffing a few of the company’s many committees — I attend meetings and later put together the minutes. Writing=communication, so it sort of makes sense, even if I weren’t the newest and youngest.

One particular committee, which met last week, is made up of only men, most of whom are old. They’ve always been extremely nice to me, probably because they’re old men and I’m a young woman. Regardless, I’ve never had a problem with them.

Until last week. What they were discussing isn’t important, but at one point one of the men said, in reference to me “She takes good notes, she’s a good secretary.” At that point, I choked on my own spit a little. Then I froze, while the words “Excuse me, I’m not a secretary” ran over and over in my head.

I’m not knocking administrative assistants. My office would die without the smarts of our administrative assistants. But the word secretary is outdated, politically incorrect and sexist. And even worse, I knew exactly why he called me a secretary: I was the only woman in the room.

It was also the way he said it. He might as well have said “Oh, she doesn’t matter, she’s just a secretary.” Well, mister, I don’t think I spent four years in college, two years at internships and five months job hunting to be “just a secretary.”

Maybe it’s naïve of me to forget people can be so sexist. But as the youngest and only female in our weekly management meetings, I’ve been impressed with how much my coworkers go out of their way to treat me with respect. I didn’t realize there are still professionals who would assume that, because someone is a woman, they must be a “secretary.”

It’s probably time for him to retire…

Love always,
S