WHY I DON'T WANT TO RELY ON A MAN TO SUPPORT ME.

I’ve got a problem. I’ve become a feminist. I’ve never been a feminist before and, quite honestly, I’m not really sure what to make of it or how to deal with it. Before you go off thinking that I’m about to be burning my bra and protesting the male race, hear me out.

It recently occurred to me that I value my education, acquired skills and the mere fact that I have a job and an income. At this point in life there are very few things that are worth more to me than being able to support myself financially, pay my own bills and, as a result, not have to answer to anyone or anything besides myself. Maybe that’s being selfish, not feminist, but I personally still think it’s a little bit more feministy than I’ve ever been in the past.

I have to take a step back and wonder why this whole overarching “job” and “career” and “financial stability” concept is so important to me right now. Why this second? Why do I care?

First off, I realize that at some points during my educational career I worked hard for my grades. Sure, in college I slacked off plenty, but just being in college (physically) was work on its own-- both emotionally and academically. But moreso emotionally. (Hey, it’s tough to learn how to share a living space with conniving girls or to deal with that best friend whose idea of a good time is to get wasted and then destroy property!) Second, I realize that I’m goddamned lucky to have a job during these years that are so difficult financially for most Americans.

After considering these two things, I then think about so many girls my age whose only wish (whether or not they have yet fulfilled it) is to get married and have babies. Now, I’m not about to argue that either of those are bad things in themselves, but I will defend my opinion to the death that there is a proper time and place for these things to happen in our lives. Just as much as it wouldn’t have been appropriate to pop out a few kids in high school, it wouldn’t be the ideal time in my life now, either. I’m 23 and baby, I’ve got this decade to live without the hassel of raising my own family. I need to raise MYSELF before I can be responsible for anyone else. I just envision myself encouraging a child to make their bed or maintain a healthy diet when I don’t yet do it myself. Those alone provide an instant reminder that I’m not ready.

I also have decided that if I were, in theory, to just quit my job to get married and have kids, it would demonstrate a complete lack of ambition. Don’t get me wrong, I understand how challenging it is to raise a kid and maintain a household even without a job. As Oprah says, being a mom is the hardest job in the world. But if I were to marry someone in order to have kids right now for any other purpose other than for love, it would not only be not only unfair to the guy, but really unfair to myself. Why shouldn’t I be in a position to strive to improve upon or advance in my career? Do I really want to have to trust one person’s dealings at work to ensure my own monetary stability? Why should he have to do all of the work outside the house to support me when I have a perfectly worthy college degree?

All in all, it comes down to one thing: I don’t want to be lazy. I’d like to think that I have more personality, education and intelligence than to just give up my outside world to rely on some husband’s paychecks so I can clean toilets and do laundry all day. There is absolutely no reason for me to resign myself to a life at home watching soaps while the baby sleeps. It’s early enough in time that I can still prove myself as my own person out there in the working world while saving time in the future to both have a family and a career.

Besides, the workplace is often the best place for me to get story ideas. And we all know I wouldn’t get to maintain this blog, one of my favorite things to write, if I didn’t have interesting stories. I’d rather be writing from my Cloroxed cubicle than from a rocking chair as a baby spits up on me, thank you very much.

The Hardest Part of Life After College: Eating?!?

Life after college can be an adjustment, that's for sure. We leave that campus that we've come to know and love-- beer cans, puke piles, libraries and all-- and get shoved into that adult life that most of us really don't want to face. But real life is a reality, and a harsh one sometimes.

When we graduate and eventually get jobs and apartments, we know things have changed in our lives. Maybe it's that mommy and daddy are no longer supporting us financially or that we finally have to learn how to scrub a toilet for the first time. We're not used to having our friends a couple of miles away, nevermind across the country or even, in some instances, across the world. We all go our separate ways and the vast majority of us survive. Our parents and their parents made it on our own, so we can, too, right?

It takes time to establish ourselves and to "find our footing" as we venture out into the unknown. We often face challenges that we never really expected to confront. One of the biggest, it seems, for our generation? Money. Of course. That's the evil that plagues every generation, always has, and probably always will.

But the second biggest? Eating. OK, maybe it's not the second biggest, but it's a big one. I have no credibility on this front, I haven't read any data on the subjects, nothing. I'm just going by an incredibly unscientific poll of my friends... and considering some of their comments I heard in passing.

Anyway, you'd think it'd be a great relief to escape the dining hall. It's maybe even more exciting to never again enter that frathouse kitchen that-- c'mon, admit it-- should be marked as "unsanitary" and "hazardous to your health" by the health commission. I mean, I don't know about you, but I most certainly don't miss overcooked Easy Mac from the microwave or elastic band-like dark meat chicken (skin and bones and all) from the school cafeteria. (I'll admit, though, that I do miss my favorite cafeteria workers who really worked way harder than I ever will. Shout-out to Pat and Beverly and the lady with the missing teeth!)

So now that I've passed that phase in my life, I somehow live in an apartment with a beautifully updated kitchen. And what do I do with it when I'm there? I stare at it. It's not like it's so gorgeous that you'd find it on the cover of some home magazine, and I certainly don't have any art hanging up that's so marvelous I can't take my eyes off of it. Yet I stare. And keep staring. If you were to watch me you'd think I'm confusing this space with a page out of a Magic Eye book.

Alright, so maybe I'm exaggerating a teeny bit. Just a little though. I really have done more than turn on the faucet. Yep, I've turned on the faucet, managed to catch the water in ice cube trays and even put those trays in the freezer to--POOF-- make ice!

But really, I have cooked a dinner here and there, had a couple house parties that involved more than calling my favorite delivery guy, even experimented a little with some baking. But this whole cooking thing really remains an obstacle. I just can't seem to do it well-- or well enough to my liking-- and I certainly don't have the time to perfect it. It's always easier to call the local sushi place and order a couple of rolls than to pull a Julia Child and create a masterpiece from simple household ingredients.

Today, as I was legitimately contemplating what to make before dinner after I rush home from work but run out again to meet a friend for a movie date, I came across a great blog: In Good Taste, written by Maris Callahan, another twenty-something living in a major city. You can find it here: http://ingoodtasteblog.typepad.com/in_good_taste/. Maris began this endeavor in 2008, right before I was nearing the end of college yet before I knew that I'd soon have to actually make sure that I eat and do it in a semi-healthy way. It certainly seems like this girl has something figured out. That, or she knows how to photoshop a photo of food she whipped up to make it look extremely appealing. I think I'll believe that she does it all herself and it's all legitimate, though. :)

Here's how she explains her blog in her "About Me" section:


How many times have you looked into the fridge of a young, single man (okay, or woman) who works long hours outside of their home, to find nothing but a six-pack of beer, half-empty bottle of Pinot Grigio and leftovers from last night’s Chinese take-out?
I’ve seen my fair share.

My name is Maris Callahan and I began writing this blog in May 2008. It has since evolved into a resource for twenty-somethings, like me, who want to cook healthy meals with some indulgences. Whether you're starting your first post-college job, newly married or looking for fast, easy weeknight meals, my goal is to show you that anyone can cook, no matter how much time or experience they do (or don’t) have.


What do I take from discovering this site? I'm learning that, with a little help, we can tackle the parts of post-college life that might seem a little intimidating... to say the least. A few mouthwatering pictures, some easy recipes and a talented writer really might be able to make the difference. If she's got a recent grad who has this amazing talent of overcooking everything she pops in an oven can get excited, maybe we all can.


XOXO,
R.