Singles Awareness Day

One of the worst days of the year has arrived. Along with my birthday, it's one of the days that I dread the most. It's one where, once it starts, I can't wait for it to end. It's Singles Awareness Day and it sure as hell aint pleasant-- even for those lucky enough to be attached.

Today's a day that, no matter how happy we are in our lives, always reminds us of our less than happy February 14ths of years past. Maybe it was last year that we were alone on the couch, shoving our faces with chocolate. Or perhaps we think back to that time five years ago, when we were newly single and spending the holiday vegging in bed, instead of out for a romantic dinner with the one who supposedly loved us. No matter what, I think it's likely that some of us have had a less than ideal Valentine's Day at some point or another. Since whenever we're miserable or even just unhappy it seems like the rest of the world is joyfully in love, we sometimes remember those bad days instead of focusing on what we have now.

Let me get something straight: there's nothing wrong with being single. In fact, if you're single you can potentially make Valentine's Day a really special, enjoyable holiday. (For anyone interested, I hear there's an anti-Valentine's Day party going on at my house tonight, complete with cupcakes...) If you've ever read my postings before, you know that I'm actually a big advocate for living the single life and enjoying all that it has to offer. In fact, there are many perks to being unattached that seem to slip away once we're committed. But, on a day like today, it often feels like everyone who is in a relationship is flaunting it in all our faces. Maybe it's that girl who got the box of chocolates delivered to her desk at work, or the guy who professes his love to his lady friend via a Facebook status. (Not acceptable, by the way. It's tacky beyond belief.) But, moreso today than on every other day, people throw their apparent happiness in our way. It often makes it seem like they're trying to trump our own happiness, as if theirs is better or more valuable than ours.

I think that part of me hates this holiday because it's fake. Fake because it's a Hallmark holiday (does anyone even really celebrate the saint who it's supposed to be about anyway?) and fake because people are over the top in their emotions and in their declarations of love. Am I wrong to think that we shouldn't NEED a holiday that encourages us to let others know how we feel about them? It's my own personal opinion that we should be making this sentiment clear each and every day of the year, not just on the 14th day of February. And, well, if you're only for some reason able to express this emotion on that day, then you better re-evaluate the situation you're in and recognize that you've got a problem.

Now, if you are attached, it really can be a nice thing to take a night to go out for a nice dinner or to just be in each others' company. I guess that the holiday gives us some incentive to be proactive and do just that; however, shouldn't we use this as a reminder that we should be doing that all the time if we're with someone we really care about?

On the flip side, maybe we should milk this day for all it's worth and extend it to ALL of the people we love and care about. I'm not just talking about all the people we're sleeping with (kidding) but to all of our friends and family members who mean so much to us. We should remember that even if this year we're happily committed to someone else, plenty of our friends and neighbors aren't this time. To all the happy people out there, I hate to say it but next year it might be YOU that's alone. So take a second and send some love, either via the phone, a visit, a card or a dancing and singing stuffed mouse, to someone who might be feeling down in the dumps today. Even if you're so fortunate as to be able to share the day with a romantic partner of some sort, taking the time to reach out to someone who doesn't have that luxury today might make your day the happiest.

Shut up about your goddamn boyfriend already!

"You can't tell anyone this," my friend whispered to me in her dorm room, "but I don't really find my fiance to be all that attractive. I mean, I've grown to love him I guess, but he's not that good looking."

Yep, you read that right: "dorm room" and "fiance" were actually used in the same sentence purposefully. This was coming from a girl who, two years earlier, had broken up with a serious boyfriend and, during her mourning period, cried hysterically about how she would no longer have anyone to marry. Guess her fate changed. If nothing more, she certainly had worked for it, even if she was ending up with someone she deemed unattractive just for the sake of having someone to permanently call her own.

Regardless of her attraction, though, this friend never failed to boast about having a boyfriend, forget about her friends as he crept further into the picture or call him instead of walking with her peers between classes. And this situation--to say the least-- perfectly exemplifies why I can't stand most girls in relationships.

Before I go on, there are a few things that should be made clear. First of all, I don't hate all people in relationships, as I will expand upon further below. Furthermore, I still maintain this sentiment without care to my romantic situation; whether I'm madly in love or just starting to see someone or recovering from a bad breakup, my views towards couples still persevere.

There is nothing worse than hearing a girl incessantly refer to that man in her life as her "boyfriend." Ladies, I understand the importance of having a label on what you are. It solidifies what stands as the true situation, makes you comfortable that the party is only in your pants, and not some other girl's too. But really though, does your grandfatherly neighbor need to know that the guy who took out your trash is your boyfriend as opposed to your brother or friend or one-night-stand that you so horribly regret? Do you really think he cares?

I get it that you're happy or at least pretending to be. At the very least, you want others to think you're happy. That's all OK, but I think it's important to remember those around us who aren't. No one likes a girl who flaunts her couple-status in the faces of those kindhearted women who just simply haven't found Mr. Right yet. And just like with anything else, no one appreciates a bragger. Ever.

Even those who hate the bragging the most still might get jealous. The jealousy, in turn, adds a whole other dimension to the negative emotions simultaneously storming your psyche. Ultimately, this mixture of emotions can cause your friends to gravitate away from you, something we all want to avoid for obvious reasons.

There are times, though, when it seems like talking about a significant-other transitions from annoying and irritating to something observers can actually be happy about. I recently discussed this in the car with two girlfriends:

"I love hanging out with you guys," I said, exceptionally aware of the abrupt and blunt nature of my impending commentary. "And I'm not even jealous of you. I'm legitimately happy for you," I explained, referring to one of their relationships with a fiance, the other with a serious boyfriend.

"Yea, you know why that is?" one shot back. "Because you know that the two of us have both been through hell and back with the number of bad men we dated before we found these."

I immediately recognized the validity of her statement-- both girls had experienced the worst of the worst dating sagas. They were painstakingly aware of how hard our wild world makes it to find someone who cares for them who is also attractive and fun and loving and smart and sweet.

It's much easier to feel legitimate happiness towards a truly loving couple who struggled to find each other over years and years of dating, versus those who simply yearned to find significant others for the sake of a title. Point of the story–- it's a lot easier to respect girls who have had a little taste of every type of man before they meet their perfect one. And NO, I don't mean that in the literal sense, you pervs!

XOXO,
R.