The whole dating scene is tough enough as it is. We wonder if he's interested in me? Should I ask him for his number? We've gone on a date, but when is it OK to suggest hanging out again?
As tricky as it might be to navigate this part of our lives, we make it more complicated on ourselves. How do we do this? Well, we girls tend to insist on labeling things. No, not just putting a label to some things. Labeling everything.
So while we're considering our status with Mr. Lacrosse Player, we're wondering if maybe we should just go out one one date to test the waters with Mr. Suave Businessman because, hey, Lacrosse boy and I aren't technically "in a relationship" yet, right? Or maybe it's a question of whether you're "seeing someone" versus "dating" versus "in a relationship." What do each of these phrases and words means exactly? And what differentiates them?
Well it's so we can justify our current situation to outsiders, of course. We want to be able to tell our best friends that there's a new man in our life, but that we don't think it's serious enough to the point that we'd call it "a relationship." We also want to experience the thrill of telling an ex that we're not longer single and that we're in fact currently "seeing someone."
Does anyone really know what "seeing someone" means? And who's to say that we're seeing someone before we're dating, or that we're in a relationship after we're officially dating that dude who we met after a sweaty bump-in at the gym?
This topic seems to keep coming up over and over again in conversation with both my closest guy and girl friends. Yet as often as this idea surfaces, no one seems to have come to any conclusions. The one thing that we have figured out, however, is these labels definitely mean something. It's just what that something is that we really don't know.
It seems labeling what we have with someone as a relationship boosts both our confidence and level of happiness. Not only do we at least believe that we belong to that person and they belong to only us, we also feel secure in thinking that we're protecting our health, that our partners are not partnered with anyone else. Here we're addressing a legitimate and real concern, and although the label fails to prevent most people from cheating, it somehow gives a tiny reason to consider not to. The word relationship taps us on the shoulder like our fairy godmother, reminding us that we've committed ourself to something or, in this case, someone.
Anyway, I think that this is a unique post in that I'm not writing with any answers or any opinions. Imagine that-- for once in my life, I'm lacking a definitive opinion! This is where I want to hear from YOU. What do you think? What do these words mean to you? And is it important to differentiate between different phases in a relationship or should we just let things go on their own timeline?
Tell me what you think. I want to hear. We all do.
XOXOX,
R.
I think that being in a relationship is more of a monogamous thing, where as seeing someone really refers to "I don't know what the hell we are...but I think we are something..." (This normally ends in...damn i was wrong). And dating--well that means you guys go out once or twice a week, drinks or something--and sometimes it may even feel as though you're only doing it cause there's no one else to date--But it's not mutually exclusive. Just an opinion though. All these phrases really kill me. But I think you missed my favorite and most confusing one... "Talking" What the hell does "Well, we are sort of talking" mean?
ReplyDeleteI know-- I keep hearing that one a lot, too-- I feel like talking is the preliminary stages, pre-date? Thoughts?
ReplyDeletetalking is almost equivalent to "we're hookin up"
ReplyDeleteReally? So what is it when you really are just "talking" to someone?
ReplyDeleteThe point I fail to understand every time a relationship gets labelled, is that the label is one-sided. Often, the idea of a label lends itself to misinterpretation, and a subsequent lack of communication on both parties, regarding their true intentions. That said, setting boundaries on monogamy and having a mutual understanding of the relationships status are important for health issues, both mental and physical. This can be a touchy issue, and must be treated with sensitivity, though a direct and personal approach may be more effective in the long run.
ReplyDeleteRight-- I think I agree very much with a point of yours-- that of monogamy and its relationship to health issues. Health is pretty all encompassing, including everything from STDs and sexual health (aka physical health) to jealously and attachment (mental health.)
ReplyDelete