The Good on Paper Guy

::Author's Note::

As you may or may not already know, I'm currently in the process of writing a book-- a humorous anthology of stories of bad dates with men, narrated by women. In my search, I've come across some pretty silly, ridiculous and absurd stories from women all around the country. Melinda, a professional organizer from Texas who has her own blog, sent me her account of her worst date ever. After some back and forth, I realized that she'd be the perfect person to be my first guest blogger on this site. Not only that, but her story, one that became the focus of this post, relates to a topic that I was planning on writing about anyway.

So, read her blog. Enjoy it. Try to laugh. And, if you find that her story inspires you, write to me. I'm always looking for other guest bloggers and for new stories for my book. I'd love to include my readers in any or all of my endeavors.

The Good on Paper Guy

We all know him. You’ve probably even dated him once or twice. In case you’re lucky enough to have never run into this type, the good on paper guy is a guy that has every great quality going for him – good looks, great job, the car, then house, etc., ect. -

On paper.

However the live version just doesn’t add up. Something in real life is very different than the “paper version.” And it’s not good. Its seems to me like these guys have spent all of their time cultivating how they look on paper without focusing on themselves in real life. You may not always recognize what is off immediately, but it’s there.

Then there’s the time when the “off” reveals itself in fine fashion.

I met my good on paper guy through an online dating site. Good looking, great job, great personality. Everything a girl would want was right there, just leaping off the page. Emails were witty and phone calls just flowed effortlessly and crackled with chemistry.

So far, so good, right?

We set up a time to meet in person over dinner. He chose a really fantastic tapas restaurant. We started with a couple of cocktails. In person, as over the phone, conversation just flowed and snapped with wit. We order, contemplating all the choices and decide on an assortment to share – including lamb chops.

We’re finishing up entrees when he picks up the bone from his lamb chop and starts gnawing it clean! It would be one thing if we were at a BBQ joint, but we’re in a really nice restaurant and he was wearing a suit! Then, he reaches over to my plate, takes the lamb chop bone off my plate and cleans it off too. No “are you done with that?” or anything. Just grabbed and chewed! We’ve barely had physical contact past a hand shake and he’s putting the bone I ate from in his mouth. I was horrified but somehow managed to pretend it wasn’t happening. I just kept talking, looked away and took a drink from my cocktail. I could have won an Oscar for how well I pretended that didn’t just happen.

Later in our conversation (I stayed for dessert – I felt at this point that I’d really earned dessert), he brought up chewing off of my lamb chop bone. I told him that I wasn’t going to mention it but now that he brought it up, I thought that was pretty gross and inappropriate for the setting and a first date. Then he tells me that it was a TEST to see how I’d react. Apparently, he’d gone out with wretched women before that didn’t know how to act or something but he was testing me to see how I’d react to outlandish things. I told him I was raised right and my mother taught me how to behave in public. I also told him that this was our first and last date because testing me isn’t the best way to start off any type of relationship.

So here it is - starting any relationship, be it professional, friendship or romantic with a “test” is always a bad idea because it immediately puts doubt and mistrust into the foundation. Sure in theory I passed, but do you really want to be unknowingly tested when you were just out to meet someone and hopefully have a good time?

Being “good on paper” is worth absolutely nothing without a real person inside to back it up.

And, unless expressly invited, keep your hands off my dinner plate!

When not out creating more entertaining or bad date stories, Melinda is a professional organizer located in Fort Worth, TX. If your home is a hot mess, she can make it fabulous through her unique, effortlessly chic ideas and meticulous organization. You can learn more about her and her work at www.melindamassie.com and read more of her tips and advice on her blog, Organizing with a Side of Fabulous, at www.fabulousorganization.wordpress.com.