From Coffee Dates to Booty Calls: Unacceptable Dating Trends

It’d be a little inappropriate if a guy asked you outright for a first date that included not only dinner but a sleepover and breakfast as well. It’s not unheard of though, and it definitely happens all of the time. It would also be odd to take a date to meet the parents (or even the friends or extended family) on a first date. But, after talking to countless girls about their dating lives, I’ve learned that this experience, too, is also not unheard of. People have different expectations about what should happen on a first date and where it should be, but there are certain things that just cross the line. And, as Joey from Friends would say, sometimes people cross the line so far that the line just looks like a dot to them!

It’s important that I make something clear here. We often focus on when men have gone too far and have done too much on a first or second date. Perhaps they took the girl to somewhere too extravagant (a wedding or work gathering is clearly not appropriate for a first meeting) or they expected the meeting to go on for too long. Much too often, though, girls overlook the very opposite phenomenon: the guy who just won’t step things up.

For a first date, I like to suggest to both other people and myself to keep things simple. I’m talking a Starbucks get-together or a casual outdoor walk. No reason to have a higher-pressure situation, like dinner, where oh-so-many things could go wrong. Sure, with a coffee or tea date someone could spill, or with a walk someone like myself could trip and end up in the hospital. But there’s much less risk involved. Most importantly, it’s easier to scheme an exit plan when things are left simple. If you’re dying over dinner because that guy is just leaking partially chewed food from his mouth, there aint a hell of a lot you can do besides wait for him to finish and hope to god the check comes soon. And he better be paying. Especially after putting you through that disgusting behavior.

Basically a first date should be short, sweet, easy to get out of but, if it’s good enough, one that wants you leaving more. That said, what happens when a guy keeps the dates short and simple? What if he never makes the transition from your local coffee shop to even your neighborhood pizza joint? Or what if he does take you for dinner, but then never wants to even do as much as get ice cream afterwards?

That, my friends, is a problem. If a man really wants to get to know you and ultimately date you, he should, at the very least, buy you a nice (not necessarily expensive, but nice) meal and want to spend time with you. Under no circumstances should you “not be worthy” of his time for dinner; rather, if that’s the case, he’s not worth any of your time at all.

Another similar issue that arises is when you come across a guy who, sure, he’ll take you for dinner, and he might even take you out for drinks and a stroll afterward-- on weeknights. But when it comes to the weekends he disappears. Well, listen to me, and listen to me well: that’s not acceptable behavior. If a guy isn’t willing to fit you into his oh-so-busy weekend schedule that doesn’t even have a second for you to see each other, then well, he’s just not what you’re looking for. A guy who’s truly into you should not only want to see you on the weekends (or all the time, for that matter, although seeing each other too often too soon is a totally different issue), but on weekend nights as well. He should be thrilled to share your company on a Friday night, rather than be out boozing with his bros and picking up hos. (Alright, I tried to rhyme, but actually if you think about it, there might be SOME sense in what I was trying to say.)

It all boils down to this: it’s totally fine if a guy starts things off slowly. He should. No doubt about it. But, if after a few dates he’s unwilling to, say, devote an entire meal to you or pen you in for a weekend meet-up, he’s just not worth your time. Remember, it’s not at all about buying you things, and a guy should never feel as though he always has to buy you dinner. (You should be doing it an equal amount for him, ladies!) But, he should be willing to sometimes take you out, and those sometimes should definitely be occasionally during prime going-out hours. If he doesn’t man up and have this happen, I’d argue that he really should be out with his boys looking for women-- trashy women not including yourself-- who will tolerate this disgusting behavior.


PS: Please remember that there are exceptions to every rule. Maybe your guy works night shifts and can’t have dinner. Consider other factors before jumping to any conclusions, but please oh please, don’t make excuses for him. He’s not even your boyfriend yet! Booty calls and completely cost-free dates aren’t going to cut it, and they damn well shouldn’t.

Never Single, Always Attached

First off, please let me apologize for not having posted anything in a couple of weeks. Things have been crazy busy (always a good thing!) and I haven’t had a spare second to write a bitchfest tirade in a while. But, not to worry, I’m back... and as critical as ever.

Even though I’ve been sort of swamped with work and outside activities lately, I’ve still of course made time for Facebook stalking. Obviously. Sometimes it’s just on my phone on the way to work but, without a doubt, it always gets done.

One night as I was scrutinizing the profile of a girl I went to college with, it occurred to me that HOT DAMN, there is NEVER a time that this girl doesn’t have a boyfriend. Never. Not a day. Ok, I’m lying. There was a time that she didn’t have one for about three weeks, but she made sure to get the first one she could get her hands on (literally) after her boy of a couple of years broke things off. Essentially it’s become clear that this girl really hasn’t ever been single since she started dating-- probably back in middle school-- and, judging by the rate she’s going, it doesn’t appear that she ever will be.

I know, I know. You’re wondering how I could possibly predict that she’s going to be attached for the rest of her life. No one has that guarantee, especially these days, do they? People get divorced constantly and, for that matter, many times over. Heck, there’s no guarantee that any of us will even ever get married, but if we’re willing to lower our standards-- and I mean REALLY lower our standards-- we can most certainly seal the deal. After all, all it takes is a couple of blow jobs and, with the quick flick of a tongue, we can score anyone we want, right? (Relax, I’m kidding. Really. I’m seriously joking.)

Some girls are truly willing to settle for anyone and anything. Yes, I just said anything. I’m sure some girls do those blowup doll things like men do, right? In all seriousness, though, there are girls that need to have a man in order to internally validate themselves. They feel worthless unless some man has claimed them as theirs, as if they're not successful in life until they have someone to call their “boyfriend,” “fiance,” or, most significantly, their “husband.” That or they just want to call themselves Mrs. Either way, choose your poison.

Anyway, it’s recently become pretty apparent that this girl I was talking about before not only broke up with her longterm boyfriend, but she also already has a new one. In my opinion, not that she or anyone really cares, she should have broken up with the first guy years ago. Perhaps she could have done it on the day that I found her crying at school because she had just caught him cheating. But, just reiterating what I said before, some girls are willing to take any man they can, just so they feel valued and worthy on this planet.

I’ve long argued that I’m not a feminist-- and I’d still argue that to the death in terms of my prospective on most issues-- but COME ON, GIRLS. Can you really not live a day without a man to call your own? Do you not know how to schedule dinner plans with girlfriends and not include “the boys?” Are you really that afraid of doing things on your own and not having a boy to help you make your decisions and validate your choices?

Perhaps it’s just a sexdrive issue. Maybe that’s it. Maybe girls like her can’t go without intimacy long enough to be single for even a couple of hours. They must be sex addicts. Hey, that could be it. Who knows?!

I think that girls don’t recognize the way that they’re portraying themselves to others when they do this constant boyhopping garbage. Do you really want people to think about you as being that willing to take anyone into your bed? I’m pretty certain that no matter how pretty, smart, funny, sexy, whatever you are, no one sees it as just that; rather, they see you as desperate and unable to manage being on your own. Essentially, you’re viewed as incompetent and weak: she can’t handle getting herself dinner or not having someone sleep in her bed every night!? Come on, girlies, that’s what I’d call pathetic.

Long story short, I’m not impressed by girls who always find themselves attached. It’s not that I’m jealous-- I maintain this idea when I have a boyfriend just as much as when I don’t-- but what's more is that I pity them. I thank my non-existant God for the fact that I can manage on my own, that I don’t rely on dating someone to be happy. And, know what? Sometimes-- or, actually, a lot of times-- it’s more fun to hang out with just myself than anyone else. (Just an FYI: being able to crack yourself up is a great skill.) I’m eternally grateful for being able to enjoy alone time, and well, time when I don’t always have to report my every action to some boy just to feel like a worthy person!