Remember when you were in elementary school and there was that friend you’d always fight with? She would threaten to not invite you to her birthday party or that she’d have a playdate with a bunch of your friends and exclude you. Or what about in high school and there was that jealous ex who spread rumors about you? Didn’t you want to completely cut out that evil person from your life? (After ripping their hair out and throwing a few punches, of course.)
At least for me, it used to be my dream to never again lay eyes on those who bullied me or tormented me most as a kid. In an ideal world, I’d never have to. As nice as it would have been, I wasn’t able to forever avoid these annoying and sometimes downright evil characters in my life. There existed no hard way to make it clear that we were done and never speaking again, unless one of us were to explicitly say so.
Now we’re in the Facebook era and, yep, you guessed it, it’s easier than ever to completely separate someone from your life. All it takes is one little click and-- POOF-- you’ve officially “unfriended” someone. (Yes, “unfriend” is apparently a real word. See here.) No detrimental words needed. Certainly no black eyes or even scratches. In fact, the person being unfriended might not even know, but you, oh you little social networking genius, have surreptitiously severed all ties from this evil person. It might take until the next time they attempt to stalk you for them to realize this. Who knows-- they might look you up every hour on the hour just like I follow my friends. Just kidding. (Or am I?) Maybe they don’t care enough to ever review your carefully crafted “About Me” section and selection of 1,359 photos of yourself. Regardless, no one knows.
So who do we unfriend and why? Let’s take it from the most basic of levels: we technologically and in actuality unfriend those with whom we’ve had some sort of fight or interaction that has been so negatively intense that we choose to no longer maintain a relationship with that person. We could be talking about the girl who you had a bitch-fight with in the middle of the dining hall at school because she thinks you’re turning all her friends against her. Likewise, it could be that guy who you were really into who just broke your heart. Perhaps you can’t bare the thought of these people popping up on your computer screen which, ultimately, forces you to not only look at their faces but to also, if even for a split second, provokes a strong emotional reaction.
Know what? I get it. It’s painful to see that the guy used to date has a new girlfriend who happens to be ten pounds lighter than you, tall, blonde and gorgeous. It’s also hard to see that A., the girl who strives to make your life miserable, is off having a blast with B. and C., your two best friends-- without you.
But what does unfriending them really accomplish? Is it really worth our time or the potential ramifications?
I think that in certain instances I can at least understand why people go to this extreme. I call it an extreme even though it’s really just clicking a button. That said, that one click makes it abundantly clear that you’ve ended all contact or possibilities for contact in the future. If you were some bitchy girl who started dating the guy of my dreams (knowingly), would I unfriend you? No, because that would be a petty way to solve a potentially bigger problem. But if you were that same girl and you went and, say, physically harmed someone close to me, then would I? Maybe.
To be honest, unfriending isn’t the first option that comes to mind, perhaps because I didn’t become a part of the Facebook culture until I was a senior in high school. But would I want to remain Facebook friends so that the entire world could see that we were socially tied? NO. Of course I wouldn’t want to have any connection to you! So perhaps in that situation, just perhaps though, unfriending would be an appropriate option.
What it boils down to is that when we’re utilizing social networking technology, it’s important that we remain as mature as we would in person. If you don’t like what that girl in class has to say, you’re not going to completely cut her off forever. Why do it on Facebook if you’re already “friends” or, as I’d like to think of it, socially connected to some degree? And if someone insults you, are you really going to take the measure of unfriending them, just to ultimately signify that yes, they really have pushed your buttons and upset you? I would think you’d rather let it go than to let them know that they’re accomplished their goal of bothering you.
My advice? Be the bigger person. Don’t unfriend. Learn to use the “hide” feature on your Facebook newsfeed so that you don’t have to see that the guy you had a fight with is writing passive-aggressive status updates to make your life miserable. After all, if you unfriend someone, it’s proving to them that they’ve impacted your life. Chances are, that was their initial objective anyway. Besides, isn’t it sometimes fun to take a step back, read what someone writes online and laugh at how petty their comments are? Believe me, it’s even funnier while they’re simultaneously trying to make new friends or score a hot date!.
Just an FYI-- I recently stumbled across an article on this topic. I think it pretty perfectly sums up why someone might choose to unfriend one of their social ties. If you’re interested, read “To unfriend or not unfriend: That is the Facebook question” by Andrea Bartz and Brenna Erhrlich: click here.
No comments:
Post a Comment