The Beauty in the Breakup

This morning after stumbling into the office I started my very intense and exhausting morning regimen: drinking my Starbucks and reading the news. Tough life, I know. Well, actually, life will be tough if anyone here ever finds out that I have so much free time.

Anyway, I came across an article written as part of a column called Girl Talk: "How A Breakup Boosted My Confidence." (See ). I have no idea who this author Lauren Kusnyer is and for all I know, she could be as unqualified to give dating advice as myself. But her piece was entertaining and, most importantly, full of important points.

At the time of a breakup, the situation feels like the worst thing in the world. Regardless of who dumped who, we find ourselves sad and uneasy that life will change permanently, sometimes in ways we can't even predict. Maybe we can breathe a sigh of relief, knowing that he wasn't "the one" and finally admitting it after months of trying to convince ourselves otherwise. Usually though the negative feelings outweigh the positive. It feels like we'll never escape this black hole that we've suddenly been pushed into. All we want to do is text him and we secretly hope he'll call us and say "Baby, I made a huge mistake."

During the mourning period, it seems like there's no way out. This black hole has suddenly filled with quicksand, trapping us further and further into our sadness. We can't conceive of pushing through our misery, nor can we imagine the hurt dissipating.

Not only does this all happen (please don't hate me for saying that "time heals all wounds") but we can actually benefit from being single and having time to ourselves.

If I hadn't been single last summer, for example, I wouldn't have made the extra effort to befriend the girls at my gym. I probably would have been heading home after my butt's class each week to talk on the phone to a boyfriend. Now, I'm lucky enough to have made a great group of girlfriends who are going to be just as wound up and excited beside me tomorrow as we wait for the opening credits to roll in Sex and the City II. (Any other readers beyond pumped?!?)

Besides this, being single eventually encouraged my will to date. I was able to really get out and experience those horribly uncomfortable situations that every girl must come across at some point in her life in order to be considered a real woman. The hours and hours of awkwardness made me at least start to feel as if I had entertainment again after moving to a new city, while also giving me the experiences needed to fully bond with my friends during girltalk.

I think most importantly, being single allows us to gain freedom and independence. Now I'm by no means a feminist and I am for sure an advocate of relationships when they work well. I'm the girl who firmly believes that unclogging a toilet, no matter whose fault it is, is the responsibility of a man, whereas girls have their own girly pieces of housework to keep up with.

That said, it's really great to spend time on your own and allow yourself to recognize that you can make it alone. No, not only that you can, but that you can do it well. You're capable of filling up Saturday nights without the help of a boy, and you sometimes even find that you're able to dedicate more of your time to activities that you yourself are interested in-- and not those of mutual interest with anyone else. It's important to learn these lessons, especially in order to be mindful of these ideas if and when you breakup with someone again.

So for all of you girls out there nursing broken hearts, remember one thing: it'll get better. It might not seem like it, but it will. It'll get easier and easier till the hurt goes away. And even though you probably won't recognize it at the time, the whole suckiness factor of a breakup will make you stronger and tougher. We can all admit that the free time you'll have to go to the gym really can help with that.

But in all seriousness, enjoy your singlehood. Isn't it kind of fun considering the possibilities of who you'll meet next-- as you snuggle a Chinese takeout box on the couch?

XOXO,
R.