(Not) Dating a Jewish Doctor

Get ready to be proud of me… I made a good decision yesterday!

Remember the guy who I liked because of the way he ordered sushi? We had a very nice time on the date, but I wasn’t wowed. When he didn’t contact me after the date, I assumed he wasn’t either.

About a month ago, we got back in touch, but he was back in a relationship with someone he had been dating before we met. I was mildly disappointed, as I was curious to see if we’d have sparks now that the first date awkwardness was behind us.

I should probably take a moment to provide some background. This guy is a Jewish doctor. You’re probably thinking how jealous you are right now that I found the perfect man. Well, I won’t leave you in suspense. There are red flags—lots of them:

Red flag number one: The guy is 12 years older than me.
Red flag number two: He’s in the middle of a divorce.
Red flag number three: He has two little kids.

Red flag number four, which to me is the most concerning of red flags, is the girl he’s seeing, and it requires some explanation. This is how the conversation went:

Jewish Doctor: It’s complicated.
Me: Okay, explain it.
JD: We both see other people, but only for sex.
Me: Why’s that?
JD: Because sex in our relationship is difficult and infrequent.
Me: I know it’s none of my business, so you don’t have to answer this, but why?
JD: She has a bad history with men and relationships, and as a result has serious trust issues.
Me: Oh. Well I’m not interested in having a strictly sexual relationship with anyone.

Pardon my internet lingo, but WTF?! After sitting there in awe for a few moments, it occurred to me that maybe the girl was raped and (understandably) has issues with sex. That was the least of my concerns… this guy is a father. He’s supposed to be setting an example for his children, yet he’s in some half relationship? Really? Accept the fact that you aren’t going to have sex with your girlfriend until you really earn her trust, then go watch porn and jack off in the mean time. Or, if that’s not acceptable, move the fuck on.

So I cut ties right that moment, right? Bye bye, Mr. old man Jewish doctor, good luck with the divorce! Wrong. For some reason I decided it was a good idea to talk to him about how he’s probably not happy in the relationship as a whole, and we ended up planning to go for drinks later in the week.

Like a sign from the gods, I got a melodramatic text the day before we were supposed to have drinks. “I’m going to have to cancel tomorrow. We see other people but we don’t date other people. I need to figure out where my relationship is going before I can do this. It wouldn’t be fair to you, to her or to me. I hope you will understand.” My head started spinning with all the things I wanted to say. Dude. I met you once. I’m not having some magical fantasyland love affair with you in my brain. You are an interesting person who I enjoyed spending a few hours with, not the love of my life. Calm down. I settled for “No worries, I understand.”

The next night, I was sitting in bed when my phone started buzzing. I picked it up and looked at it. Lo and behold, there was a text from the Jewish Doctor. “I shouldn’t have cancelled tonight.” I asked him why, and he said he realized he’s not happy in his half-relationship, blah blah blah, etc., etc., etc. He wanted to get drinks the next week. I considered it and realized that at this point, I might as well go. His hot mess of a life was pretty damn funny. So I said yes, but he’d have to get me one drink for the inconvenience of cancelling, one for saying yes and one just because.

Yesterday was the day before the date. The more I thought about it, the more I felt the need to ask myself what the hell I was doing. This guy is shopping around for a new girlfriend while in a relationship, and that says quite a bit about his character. Also, you know how I keep saying he’s a doctor? He’s a psychiatrist. He should know better!

Everything became very clear when I thought about his kids. Ex wives, girlfriends, whatever—I’m not one to judge someone for being a homewrecker. But once children enter the picture, some things are not acceptable. And I’m not about to have any part in anything that could possibly complicate a child’s life.

My decision was obvious: Fuck this date. I decided to be dramatic right back at him. My text to him said “I’m really sorry, but I’m going to have to cancel tomorrow. I’m at a point in my life where I’m thinking about my future, and this is not the situation I want for it. I think you kind of get that already. Good luck.” Now go think about your children instead of yourself for five minutes. I decided it was better to leave that part out…

So let’s review: Much older man. Divorce. Kids. Girlfriend (with issues). Psychiatrist.

I don’t know what the hell I was thinking, but thank goodness I came to my senses!

Love always,
S