Follow the rules... unless the rules are stupid

When it comes to dating, we all have certain rules we follow and break. Don’t kiss on the first date. Don’t call him until he calls you. Don’t sleep with him until he is officially your boyfriend. We shell out serious cash on books that are supposed to tell us the rules that will change our lives, help us find Mr. Right, make everyone man want us.

I’m not anti-rule. I even have a few of my own rules—for example, if it’s after 1 p.m. the day of the date and I haven’t heard from you, I “make other plans.” As in “Oh, well when I hadn’t heard from you I figured we weren’t on for tonight, so I made other plans.” Even if my “other plans” are sitting alone staring at the wall all night, I stick to that story. He needs to value my time and see it as a precious commodity. More importantly, he needs to understand from the very beginning that under no circumstances will I give up my life on his behalf.

Unlike Ellen Fein and Sherri Schneider, the authors of “The Rules,” I do this not to seem like an “elusive butterfly,” or to play hard to get, but to make a strong impression that I am independent and, quite frankly, I’m not fucking around. You respect me and I’ll respect you. You will take me seriously or you won’t take me anywhere. Harsh, I know, but I’ve seen friend after friend give up their lives to spend every waking moment being with, talking about or thinking about their boyfriends, and I’m really sick of pretending it’s okay.

“The Rules” offers lessons on how to be mysterious and untouchable in order to snatch up a man, or as I see it, how to trick men into marrying you. According to the authors, you should never return a man’s call the same day he calls you—instead, you must wait two days. If you’re in a long distance relationship, he must come visit you three times before you go visit him. If you’re dating someone you work with, never answer his emails unless they’re business related and you must do so. And after a year of dating, if he hasn’t proposed, back off and see less of him, because how dare he not propose to you yet?!

Don’t leave the house without makeup. Wear sheer black pantyhose and hike up your skirt. Do not ever break the rules or no one will ever marry you and You'll be alone forever!

In other words, play games! Be inconsiderate and don’t pick up your phone! If you went to college, you’re just falling back on your education to trick yourself into thinking you’re entitled to doing more in life than waiting for the phone to ring. Demean yourself—after all, everyone knows you’re worthless without a man.

Did I mention one of the authors was filing for divorce as she wrote the sequel? I guess once she stopped being elusive, her husband didn’t like what he found.

Sure, as a picky and demanding person, I am single most of the time, and sometimes I get lonely. But I’d rather be lonely than demean myself, than to trick a man into dating me. He should want to learn more about me because I intrigue him, not because I’ve made him think I’m an elusive butterfly. I don’t want to be with anyone under false pretenses.

So I’ll continue to follow my OWN rules. I’ll continue to demand the respect with which everyone deserves to be treated. And when I do find the right person, I will continue to be with the people I love, make time for others and maintain a clear head.

Love always,
S